it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
