never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
