Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
