apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
