She is in my trunk
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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