im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
that may or may not have been my penis.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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