I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
