i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
