did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think I won the penis lottery.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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