He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
a search helicopter?!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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