Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
