Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Randomize
