people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
