Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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