I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
