I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
