I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
