I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
