Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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