so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
