butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
