My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
