tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
