she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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