once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
