Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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