I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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