I hate your face
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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