If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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