Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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