I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
