How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
