so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
