The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
