Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
