She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
