so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
