i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
