I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
