Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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