it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
