on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
