he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
from now on my penis is your penis
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
