Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
