she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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