A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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