he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We need a shit load of segways right now
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm both gender and math confused
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
