It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
