he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
