In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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