I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
