you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
