Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
