so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
