How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
